Turn 1. Col Jorgan deploys the Bury Postal Rocket team. Still drunk from the previous nights escapades, they fumble the shell, creating yet another crater on the Lancashire landscape
Helmutt Rasch urges his men up to the wall and Fritz knocks some bins over. Must be full of Bury unstable waste as they explode in a ball of flame
The Irwell Vale Volunteers, having stripped their bedding of all the blankets, soak them in Good Old Lancashire Lard and set them alight. Helmutt Rasch curses as they disappear
Wee Alfie Hulme, the Stubbins Terror, takes a break from decorating the walls with graffiti of penii, aims his catapult and sends a little ball bearing up Fritz’s jacksy
Singing !No Pasaran! The Fleet Street Regulars, veterans of the Spanish Civil War, march on the Fairview Cottages. And are subsequently wiped out by Willie Wurstnapper and a squad of Falschirmjager.
Sgt Jerry Spywell, a very dubious and shabby Nazi trick, tries to distract Veteran Sgt Phillip McCrack. McCrack eventually sees through the heavily accented Germanic Lancashire accent and draws his Webley. One shot is all it takes
The game ends fittingly with Wee Alfie Hulme firing his last ball bearing at the elite Nazis, killing one and the other routs, clutching his groin in terror. He’s seen the pictures on the walls
After 3.5 hours, the game ends in a moral Lancashire victory. But then we always knew it would. Evil never triumphs for long
