Ayton 2018 Modernesque Skirmish

[tim.w]

Gents/Despots,

I've emailed you all a very detailed map. (as detailed as maps of this place get anyway)

You should start to get a picture of what your faction is and why they are there. I can't promise that their objectives may get a little murky as time goes on. Such is the way of these dirty wars!

The current political situation in Kumbahyah is unsettled. Incumbent President M'Timbo U'Tumbi is still in power but as always unrest is never more than a spark away. The Kumbahyah economy is based primarily on their production of hoover attachment pipes, which are made from the rubber of the kumbah tree, from where the country takes its name. The pipes are exported via Port Juncker and Essex Town, Kumbahyah has no commercial ports, despite Aytonawanda being near the sea. The Bongolese and Zumbans have always had ambitions on annexing the small independent state in order to have full access to the green gold that is the kumbah tree. There is never any small amount of puppetry on the part of the great powers and a proxy cold war has been simmering for some time and mercenaries along with Albion and Europan forces are active in their respective protectorates.


The USA have been neutral. However, they have a fleet nearby carrying elements of Virginia's National Guard who won a round the world trip in a US Military groundhog shoot competition. Their senior commander, Col. Dick Nixon Jnr (a man fond of a sourdough whiskey or eight) is not the most stable the US military has. Paranoid about communism he misread a joke dispatch from a CIA agent in Aytonawanda about the hoover factories in the country making units capable of sucking the capitalism out of the rest of the world and spreading the dust particles of Marxism wherever they go. He sits in his cabin polishing his gold Colt .45...


If Kumbahyah didn't have enough problems, to the East they border the deep jungles of North South West Africa a hitherto undeveloped no mans land only populated by fragmented tribes. A tribal chief is fast rising to prominence however and is spreading his warped Voodoo religious zeal to other tribes both in the interior and in the Eastern parts of the other nations. General Phillippe N'Dahwehlahweh is obsessed by Kumbahyah's vacuum attachment industry. In the Generals' skewed vision he see's a future world where human and hoover become one, a super being man/machine will become the next level of evolution. To that end he encourages his followers to sexualise the machines and tribal celebrations of khat enduced hoover pipe orgies are commonplace. Dangerous still are his teachings of Juju magic, the tribes believe that shoving their genitailia into hoover pipes before battle, while chanting will give them immortality. - Beware the chant!!!


Dispatch ends.

[Jeremy]

Sounds excellent! I’m backing the General for a win. And a mass genocide. Same thing innit?

[Buff Orpington]

Defence Digest News Report, Essextown/ London Stock Exchange
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[Norman D. Landings]

Checkmate, you blue-eyed devils.

[Etranger]

That's a blower, not a sucker....

[Jeremy]

That’s what she said

[grizzlymc]

It's all in the tongue.

[Purple]

Love the back story, I think your going to have a cracking game.

[Norman D. Landings]

Scenes from the Bigg Market, no. 27:

“How pet, d’ye knaa how te’ play vac-yoom cleenaz?
Ye start suckin’, an’ a’ll mek the noises.”

[grizzlymc]