Pulp Cthulhu

[Jeremy]

Karina’s puppies are the best.

[Norman D. Landings]

Somebody, somewhere, said: 'Run for your lives, it's a serpent man!'
And the serpent man said: 'Excuse me, did you just assume my gender?!'

So now, apparently, they're "serpent persons".

Un. Fucking. Believable.

God forbid you should neglect to ask a shoggoth it's pronouns.

[Jeremy]

Shoggoths have ALL the pronouns.

[Etranger]

Shoggoths have ALL the pronouns.

Usually all at once.

[goat major]

As the heroes discussed their recent adventure in the Congo, Hilaire became increasingly disconcerted by his itchy, peeling, flaking skin. As he picked away at it he realised that beneath the dry scabs he was regenerating as an iridescent blue and green…. Serpent Person. Some hurried disguise hints from Karina allowed him to cake on skin cream and false glasses to give him some chance of being able to interact with humans. Derrick remembered there was a spell in the Sussex Manuscript that might help. The magic allows the caster to take on the likeness of an individual. That’s good. The individual has to be dead however and the caster has to eat the body. Not so good.

All the evidence points towards needing to go to Calcutta where the fabled Cobra Crown seems to have resurfaced at the India Museum. This crown can perhaps defeat the guardians of Mu. The team decide they should prepare to go to India.

Karina gets in touch with one of her contacts and hears that the Bonanno family have been brutally eliminated and there is now open mob war in New York.

Meanwhile Randall, Derrick and Karina visit the Meadham building finding that all the executive management have left for India and Brazil, then stumble upon a very paranoid Connors. He has worked out that things are very wrong at Caduceus. He helps the team reprovision and arranges them air tickets to Calcutta before he flees himself.

Christina is having a pleasant evening at home when she is visited by Crazy Alice who asks if Christina could use her psychic powers to get in touch with Mother and find out if she is at peace. A slight problem since Christina incinerated Mother and then was complicit in leaving her in an exploding laboratory. There then followed the least convincing séance until Derek Acora started up some 40 years later. Alice didn't buy it; the room erupted into a frenzied knife and pickaxe action sequence until Alice was brutally despatched. The brave Connors turned up to rescue Christina but got a pickaxe through his head and framed for murder for his lovestruck efforts.

Feeling it was perhaps time to get out of town the heroes flew to Calcutta. Their slightly deranged driver Shreekant took them to check in at the Great Eastern Hotel - a favourite of the wonderful Bulldog Hopkirk.

Then on the way to the museum their car hits a man who runs out in front of them. He is clearly dead but…. He is holding a golden crown. Karina sneaks the crown away quickly and the heroes pretend they are taking the man to hospital. As they rush back into the car Derrick spots Rose Meadham at the side of the road, coolly drinking a cup of tea and surrounded by intimidating goons. She watches without expression as the team drive at speed to the hospital.

And there we end it for this episode…. The heroes have the Crown. Wasn't that easy ?

[Jeremy]

Randall will want to wear the crown to show everyone he really is the prettiest princess. The Bulldog pressure is starting to tell.

[goat major]

Off to the cinema this afternoon. They're showing what looks like a horrific new monster movie.

[Jeremy]

I mean he can’t help being half snake. I pity the poor bastard for being half French!

[World2dave]

Excellent!
At least Hilaire's bandages and sunblock go well with his white suit.
Good to see John's next character standing by for when the inevitable happens, welcome Peanut!

[goat major]

The heroes raced off to the hospital with the dead body. On the way they assessed the crown and realised it was a cheap modern fake. The dead man was Jonathan Taylor, a young Englishman, who had a contacts at the India and British museums. In the ambulance bay of the hospital Christina used her psychic tongue powers and flashed back to Taylor's last moments: Sat across a table from Rose Meadham who said "did you think you could fool me with this worthless trinket ?", Taylor ran and then died on the bonnet of the heroes' car.

They left the ambulance bay and returned to their hotel where the snakey Hilaire retired to his quarters with the body and some cutlery, hoping that some hours later he would assume the likeness of Taylor. And also be slightly less hungry. And slightly less sane.

Everyone else decided that the sound of chomping was too much to bear and they headed off at pace to the museum. They were directed to the Art department where a very irritated curator explained that there was no exhibition and no Cobra Crown. The junior curator (Kumtekar) had been fooled by a charlatan known as Taylor, and now Kumtekar had failed to come to work. The heroes wanted to discover Kumtekar's address and were only slightly hindered by consistently referring to him as Kumbucket. Dr Singh was sent to persuade the receptionist with his loverman skills and attempted to increase his chances by wearing the fake crown which he seemed quite attached to wearing. Eventually with some charming help from Karina he discovered the curator's address. And he also got a date later that evening.

In a quiet suburb they approached the curator's house. Christina and Singh went inside and were hit with the stench of death. Kumtekar lay on the floor, his skull crushed by two massive hands. His wife's body mutilated and their baby missing. A hidden leaflet referred to Askwith of the British Museum staying at the Great Eastern hotel. Some increasingly worried neighbours mentioned two Europeans visiting yesterday - a frail old man and a huge bald man - this sounded suspiciously like Joshua Meadham and his bodyguard Canning.

Singh realised that everyone connected with the crown was dying horribly. He quietly removed it from his head….

The heroes decide to check round the main hotels to see if they could locate Meadham while Singh went on his date. They first called at the Grand Hotel and sent their driver in with a message for Mr Meadham. Karina followed him in and watched as a receptionist shook his head and Shreekant left. But as she looked across the reception she saw the huge form of Canning and then - looking direct at her - a frail Joshua Meadham propped up by a henchman. Meadham pointed at Karina and shouted "YOU!…..GET HER CANNING!!". And the man-mountain strode with murderous purpose towards her.

And that’s where we left it, but as the credits rolled we saw Hilaire eating the final big toe and his appearance becoming that of a charming English gentleman, although the shadow behind him reveals a flickering serpent tail and in his eyes - total madness……