Pulp Cthulhu

[Etranger]

you are going to scan and upload something from your mind? I'm quite disturbed now

You may need these...

[Norman D. Landings]

I’m just wondering what he’s doing to those poor crocodiles. Do we need to alert the SPCA do you think?

I am blatantly fondling them.
If you believe in the ‘infinite multiverses’ theory, this must be the only reality in which I did not end up torn limb from limb in a frenzied reptilian clusterfuck.

[goat major]

Isnt frenzied reptilian clusterfuck a category on pornhub ?

[Jeremy]

If it isn’t, it will be by the time Randall zips his khakis up

[Buff Orpington]

He says crocodiles but he means handbags.

[Jeremy]

Randall has a crocodile gimp suit

[Jeremy]

So what happens when you give a Frenchman a cigarette lighter? He tries to set fire to a small thermonuclear device.

[goat major]

So having decided it was most important to discover the nuclear device in the jungle, Dr Singh employed his weird science skills and manufactured an electromagnetic detecting device from some spare components from the plane , including - quite remarkably - a pulse diode flange and a left-threaded minge gasket.

Using the device the adventurers trekked through the jungle and located the crate - hanging from creepers in the canopy some 30' in the air where it had landed. But hang on….. those creepers - they look silvery and glistening. And why are Christine and Randall suddenly stuck in something gooey (again). And why is Private Camsell being hoisted into the trees.

Two shimmering spider things the size of cars drop on the adventurers. One needn't have bothered as Karina coolly gave it a shotgun between all of its eyes. Hilaire had a cunning plan and set fire to the webs, that ran up the tree, that were entwined around the nuclear device. What could go wrong ?

Derrick took on the remaining spider head to head bravely for a number of rounds as other party members peppered it with bullets. Hilaire stepped in at the last moment and dispatched it and then casually lit a cigarette to observe the flames now engulfing the tree. And the bomb. Throwing a stick he managed to dislodge the device which crashed to the ground just before the flames engulfed it.

Returning to the airstrip they noticed how strange the forest looked - bright coloured fruit, red leaved trees, slightly glowing algae. In fact Hilaire vaguely remembers seeing something like this once.

Shapiro was relieved on their return - although quite sweaty as usual. Opening the device it was clearly of alien or otherworldly construction. Christine noticed the occult symbolism that she had seen previously - something that indicated the machine would probably open a portal to a being known as Cthugha the Great Fiery One. More good news was on its way with Shapiro's analysis that the disarm mechanism was fatally damaged. The thing could go off anytime in the next 24 hours.

With the party's priority now to analyse the cause of the deadly Yellow Death and then rapidly escape they elected to borrow some army trucks and travel to the local village to take samples for the viral analyser. As they were loading up into the trucks a woman ran out of the forest in clear distress. The British soldiers were going to shoot her, but Christine intervened with her medical bag - and her medical skills were just enough to recognise the swollen pulsing buboes in her neck that ruptured expelling a shower of yellow powder into the air …. And Christine. If only she'd remembered to Stay Alert and maintained 2m distance. I'm sure it won't be a problem……

[Norman D. Landings]

Fifteen minutes.

I skip out fifteen minutes early and the second I’m out the door you chucklefucks start working on opening a portal to the elemental god of fire AND plagueing the whole place up?

Can’t fault the work rate.

[World2dave]

Basically Dr Singe said 'what does this button do?'
Etc